Lake Reflections: Finding Connection Within Community
This site contains affiliate links. If you click and purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Read our full disclosure policy.
Read any article on longevity, and you’ll come across the role that connection plays in the length and quality of one’s life. But, recently, an advisory was released by the U.S. Surgeon General stating that America was experiencing an “Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” which can result in physical ramifications akin to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Woah.
It got me thinking. What is this magical thing that adds life to our years and years to our life?
During COVID, we heard about the importance of brief, ancillary connections. When lockdown hit, these moments abruptly disappeared. Chatting with the teller at the bank, swapping smiles and waves with the postal carrier… small interactions that helped us to feel a part of a larger whole.
A second type of connection happens around a common interest or goal. These loose-tie connections happen with relative convenience because we have chosen to make space for them. Our shared interest gives us a starting point from which to strike up conversation. These, too, are invaluable and make up the vast majority of our connections. Some places to begin building these loose-ties might include volunteering with a local nonprofit or joining one of the many and varied clubs at the lake.
But connection—true connection—is when we move outside of built-in lanes of interactions to take that trepidacious leap from acquaintance to friend. It’s hard. It takes effort and vulnerability—not typical human strengths. But once we step over the threshold that divides “public mode” from the authentic us (warts and all), we begin to build the kind of bond that brings lightness to our days, helps us to feel known, allows for rich conversation without judgment and shows us that we matter.
Living in a lake community = abundant transplants and part-timers. It’s easy, in this scenario, to just exist within a circle of small talk and not make the effort to go deeper. But, when the going gets tough, that small talk circle is not going to instantly become a robust support system.
How, though? How do we go from just a bunch of really nice folks who live close by to richer, deeper relationships?
In a recent episode of her podcast Happier, Gretchen Rubin shared practical tips for building friendships. She suggested connecting outside your usual bond. For example, if you met someone at a Smith Mountain Arts Council event, suggest meeting for coffee or visiting a winery together. Actions that come naturally with longtime friends—such as celebrating birthdays, checking in on challenges, celebrating wins and offering support—require more intention when forming new friendships.
Being vulnerable enough to ask for help is a massive bonding agent, so when someone asks how they can help: tell. them. what. you. need. On a lighter and simpler note, opening your home can be a metaphoric example of opening your heart. If that feels challenging, start with a consistent text thread to share the ups and downs of everyday life.
Finding kindred spirits who are open to the work of building a new connection in a fast-paced world where more life is lived online than in person can be difficult. But keep trying, keep pursuing, keep being willing to be the one who takes that first step into deeper connection. Your happiness and longevity will thank you for it!
Kristin Dunker
COLUMNIST
Kristin Dunker is editor of The Current, a bi-weekly e-magazine for Smith Mountain Lake and Southwestern Virginia. It highlights our community’s people, businesses, clubs and organizations, and encourages to create a life they love.
